the cheap seats
a hall of fame for reader-submitted cost-cutting directives
fans send in their best fake memos. we publish the ones that made us laugh. think you can do better than the official ones? prove it.
submit your memo
send your best fictional cost-cutting directive to submissions@elcheapo.lol. include the attribution you want (your name, handle, or "anonymous"). we publish the ones that made us laugh.
email your submissionby submitting, you grant us permission to publish your submission with the attribution you provide. we may edit lightly for length or clarity. don't submit anything defamatory, anything you didn't write yourself, or anything you wouldn't say with your name attached.
the hall
internal memorandum
FROM: T. Dundon
RE: courtside seat warming program
Beginning next home stand, courtside seats will no longer be pre-warmed by the HVAC system. Ticket holders are encouraged to bring their own thermal blanket. Heated blankets available for rent at $40 per quarter.
— submitted by anonymous, portland
internal memorandum
FROM: T. Dundon
RE: shootaround consolidation
Pre-game shootarounds will now be conducted in the parking lot using a single basketball and a chalk-drawn rim on the side of the building. Players are reminded that imagination is free.
— submitted by m.h., bend
internal memorandum
FROM: T. Dundon
RE: team bus radio policy
The team bus radio will now play only commercial radio with ads. Players who wish to listen to music without ads must hum to themselves. Coaches will not be providing kazoos at this time.
— submitted by anonymous, vancouver